"Working on updates. Don't turn off your computer." Nine words that can freeze a whole office. This page recreates the Windows update screen in fullscreen - with a progress percentage you control and a duration you choose, from a plausible 20 minutes to a soul-crushing 4 hours.

Pick Your Windows Era

Windows XP: the nostalgic blue installer for retro setups and vintage machines
Windows 10: the familiar spinning dots on deep blue
Windows 11: the modern minimalist look on black

Match the version to the victim's machine for maximum believability - or deliberately mismatch it on a Mac for a different kind of confusion.

Craft the Perfect Fake Update

Set a starting percentage (a stall at 97% is psychological warfare), choose how many minutes the bar should crawl, and optionally write your own status text. Save the setup and it is ready to launch whenever the moment calls for it.

The Long Con

The update prank's superpower is patience: it does not scare the victim off the machine, it just makes them wait. Launch it before a colleague returns from lunch and watch productivity theater unfold. Reveal before any actual deadlines suffer.

Harmless by Design

No update runs, no files change, and the machine never restarts. It is a fullscreen animation - Escape exits instantly. When they realize the "update" was fake, the relief usually cushions the laugh.

For a two-act show, follow the update with our fake Blue Screen of Death.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does the fake update actually install anything?

No. It is a fullscreen animation - no update runs, no files change, and the computer never restarts. Escape exits instantly.

How long can the fake update run?

You choose: set the duration from 1 to 240 minutes and a starting percentage. A bar that stalls at 97% for an hour is a classic.

Can I write my own update message?

Yes - customize the main and secondary status text to say anything you like, from the boringly official to the openly absurd.

Does it work on a Mac or Chromebook?

Yes. It is a webpage, so the Windows update screen displays on any device - which makes the prank even more baffling on non-Windows machines.